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Uninspired Discipline, A Moment of Clarity, and Making Memories

 So. Once again it's been a long time. Far too long would be an understatement. But to be completely candid, I just had nothing good to write. My job was in a weird spot, I was on and off the idea of going back to college (and am back ON! Woo!), I was looking at repairing quite of bit of things with the house, selling it in a few months, and still trying to keep up the mileage. And that’s all it really was for a while. Just putting in the miles. Sure there were good days when I had a blast catching some wintery night runs or bombing some fresh powder trails, but I had no energy for much else beyond the immediate projects and training. On the bright side,  I did come to realization that I could just put in the miles and really just kind of have them tick by, even I was cold and exhausted taking that first step. The bigger picture of my running and health as a whole (and I’m getting that damn hundred this year!) kept me moving, disciplined, and dedicated to stick to the plan as much as possible. So, super proud of that. But the point being is that, sometimes there are days you don’t want to do it, and honestly sometimes that’s a fair portion of the days, and that’s where the big picture comes in. Just remembering why you started in the first place, how far you’ve come, and what you’re working towards. Cause that’s what its all about. The occasional bit of gluttony and the shiny medals are just bonuses when you work towards having a better life and being a better person. Because if we ran everyday, ate right, and worked out to find that we didn’t benefit physically or mentally we’d find that all we’re really getting is an expensive t-shirt and medal. It’s the progress and the reflection to where we were when we started that puts things in perspective. Again, when I first “started running” I didn’t even think I would ever run a marathon, let alone what I do now. And sometimes that’s what pushes me, the fact that I can just “go out” and run an ultra on most given days. Most days it still seems surreal and sometimes I can lose focus of that because I’m busy, it's cold, the conditions aren’t “perfect”, or whatever the excuse that day is. But the fact of it is I can, and therefore I should. We should never leave anything on the table that we feel we might regret later. Because you’ll never get that day back and you’ll only get to experience “today” one time.

In some ways I had kind of lost sight of what was important and how far I’d come. I don’t really like to focus on that, because honestly sometimes it feels a bit self-righteous or indulgent to harp on the true state of my body (and more specifically my spine). When it comes down to it everyone is fighting their own fight and I don’t really like to focus on myself when it comes to these things. But there are some days when I am damn proud of myself for starting this running “hobby” and focusing more and more on my health. Because when I do take time off, drive too much, or even contend with the changing of the seasons I am painfully reminded of that fact that my back is still fucked. It’s certainly not fixed. I’ve always been one to want to cure things, not treat them. And when I am very consistent with my workouts, diet, and sleep I often forget that I do need to treat this because chances are, it’s not really cure-able.  But then there are times when it rears its ugly head and I'm left whining and winging on the floor because of the damn thing. And it’s easy to fall into the cycle of self-loathing and not wanting to do anything because I am in pain, but once again, that’s when I need to keep moving, more than anything. And it always helps. Even though on paper or on my instagram I may look like I know what I’m doing and may look like everything is rainbows and sunshine, sometimes it’s not. I don’t really like to complain openly about my problems because I feel it doesn’t solve them, but I forget that no matter what I think it may help someone else. So if you’ve been putting off your workouts or even taking that first step, here’s your reminder. Get out. Don’t even think about it, just do it. Because you’ll always be able to find an excuse as to why you should put it off until tomorrow. Your body will thank you in so many ways. Now and later. It will pay off in dividends in your day-to-day life.

Now, onto the more fun things: the Sasquatch Shuffle 50K with the twin and the Flint Hills 50. Big cheers to my twin for completing yet another 50K after his first last fall, for continuing his training (and sometimes sticking to the running plan better than I would have), and for absolutely kicking ass. Since then he also completed the Brazos Bend 50K and was able to shave off even more time from his previous 2! Couldn’t be more proud of him and how far he’s come in really such a short amount of time. The mo’fo is probably even more stubborn than I am when it comes to that little voice in everyone’s head that says to stop, to take some time off, to eat like a fatty. And soon we’ll be running the Wildflower 50K as well before taking him on his first 50 miler! Again homie, cheers! So, the Flint Hills 50. It was brutal. And I mean brutal. It absolutely kicked my ass and I left there feeling like I left very little on the table. So I am very happy with the results. Of course I spent more time than I should have at the aid stations trying to pour Tailwind into my bottles from little baggies. But all said and done I shaved off about 25 minutes from my previous best road 50. With that said it was dirt and gravel roads and the wind was some of the most demoralizing I’ve ever had to contend with (and thank god I had been running plenty of hills). The headwind that day was 25-35 Mph with gusts of up to 50 Mph. Truly, I wanted nothing more than to just be done. The day started out relatively nicely. A nice tailwind pushed us for the first ten or so miles followed by crosswinds (of which don’t really bother me that much) and oddly enough struck up a conversation with a guy who was from northern Wisconsin so we had a lot to chat about, and that we did. For about four or five hours. Thanks again for the company man! It really helped keep my headspace clear and made the miles just tick on by for the first lap. Not only that, it really helped me stay conservative for the first lap to leave just enough in the tank for the second lap push. And boy did I need it. The wind kicked up. The sun came out. The light drizzle stopped. When I finally cleared the leg where you are just fighting the headwind with everything you’ve got I truly wanted to just cry. I was so mentally exhausted. Also, a big thanks to the second place finisher that kept gaining small leads on me which led to a fantastic chase and made me really give it my all. For me this is my first “podium” finish, even if there were only about 25 people. I couldn’t be more stoked. I knew I was near the front bit of the pack, but only realized upon finishing that I had placed 3rd! So big pat on the back to myself for that haha. But this is only the start of the year realistically and I was originally only using this as a training race for bigger things to come this year. So stay tuned! And I promise I will work on getting these things out on a more regular basis, or at the least getting them out just as race reports. 

If you’d like to see some of the pictures or videos of the races check my YouTube or Instagram and poke around a bit. As always, Thanks for taking the time to stop by and read. I wish you all the best of luck in your endeavors and hope to see some of your own finishes and progressions. Perhaps even run a race or two with you someday! Until then, Take care!


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